What is Mindfulness?

The easiest definition of mindfulness is awareness of the present moment. I like to describe it to clients as being aware of what it means to be you, helping them become an objective observer of their thoughts, feelings, behaviors and physical sensations at that moment. 

For some of us we avoid being aware - so we use escapism, distractions, and a myriad of other strategies to avoid our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physical sensations. Why would one do this? Because it’s too uncomfortable - straight up, we don’t have the capacity to cope. 

So while mindfulness is GREAT, we need effective tools to know what to do next. This is key in preventing stress or reducing stress. (Remember: stress is any emotional state that moves us away from calm). 

Awareness + Coping Skills = CALM/PEACE/HARMONY (you get what I’m saying right?!)

Let’s get into this a bit more. This is not meant to be linear (you can do these next two things simultaneously - I’m just breaking it down into steps): 

STEP 1: DEVELOPING AWARENESS

Mindfulness practices are your friend. 

For many of us, we need to practice identifying OUR thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and body sensations - and we have to do this over and over again, because after all, the brain likes repetition. 

My favorite activity to help me notice my thoughts is journaling - and funny enough, I was ANTI-JOURNALING for a long time. Talking to another person can help you recognize patterns, especially a therapist, who is trained to sift through what you are saying and recognize patterns. Some people can even notice just by observing their thoughts. 

Get in the habit of identifying how you are feeling. You can do it several times throughout the day. Name your feeling(s). Giving it a number 0-10 helps a lot too so you know how intense that feeling is. (That way you can slowly start working your way back to a calm place.)

Notice what behaviors you engage in when you are feeling a particular way. You can write it out, for example "When I am _______ (fill in the blank here of what you are calling your stress), I notice I ___________ (what are all the behaviors). For me, if I am stressed, I will eat any sugary food that comes my way. Other behaviors include not being able to fall asleep or not waking up rested, and avoiding things I need to do. 

Body scans are great to check in with your physical body and pick up on any sensations. For me, my body will give me lots of clues too when things aren’t right. My chest gets SO TIGHT when I am anxious. The sugary foods cause me to feel stiff and inflamed. I tend to shrug my shoulders up towards my ears. 

STEP 2: COPING SKILLS

Here’s the thing - there is no magic wand to wave to get you results. You have to do the work, and initially learning what coping skills work for you is going to be a lot of trial and error. So try to be patient and go into it with the expectation that you are experimenting. Here are a couple things to consider that might lower frustration:

1. Just because a coping skill didn’t work one time, doesn’t mean it won’t work. Figuring out when and how to use a strategy takes time. Intense physical activity is usually my jam - but there are days where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. So if I go to my usual CrossFit class, it might not do the trick. A better strategy might be some gentle yoga, or cozying up on the couch and watching a movie (especially if it can help bring on the waterworks so I can get that cry!). Also, when I am overwhelmed and need to take action, taking a nap or other strategies that help me avoid work (but can be good other times) might make me feel more anxious because I’ve “wasted” time. 

2. If your emotional state is really HIGH, then you will likely have to use many coping skills to continue reducing the intensity, bit by bit.    

Being human is synonymous with having rough days - STRESS is a part of life! But what we do when STRESSED is game changing. The more you can practice mindfulness, you will get better at noticing when the stress is small, and you can use your coping skills to keep it there or return to a calm state. If you are really good at it - you will learn what coping skills work to help prevent stress!