Mindfulness: The Pathway to Self-Awareness

Early in my career, a colleague of mine would have countless conversations about how people can become self-aware, because let’s face it - there are varying degrees of awareness out there.

So let’s start a conversation of our own.

If you have or had “good enough” parents (read more about good enough parenting here), then they probably helped guide your development of self-awareness by allowing you to feel what you feel. They likely helped you name what you were feeling, normalized those feelings, and gave you the support and space to work through these experiences. They allowed themselves to be imperfect, and allowed you, as the child, to also be imperfect. Thus allowing room for mistakes, which are the catalysts for growth.

Or, you could have had parents whose own emotional matters interfered with their ability to guide you in understanding and honoring yours. Maybe you had lovely parents, yet some other trauma impacted you and left you questioning or discounting your feelings, disconnected from what you feel, or experiencing some other unfortunate consequence. But hope is not lost.

Maybe your own experience was some sort of hybrid variation of these, and maybe all of this resonates with you. There might be parts of you that are aware, and others that are not. Your self-awareness seems to have some holes or be inconsistent.

So what now?

You build this out for yourself. Whether you are starting from scratch or shoring up the holes, the work is the same. (Yes, it is work - no shortcuts here.)

You have to take consistent action. This is the basis of neuroplasticity - the nervous system’s response to experience. Each time you give yourself the opportunity to be aware, you are developing that skill. And over time it will get stronger.

What actions will you take? Well, that is up to you…

Start by reducing distractions. When you are primarily focused on things outside of your body (i.e. work, tv, other people’s needs) it is difficult to focus on what is happening within. The goal is to start identifying sensations in your body, directing these sensations (e.g., isolating your muscles, controlling where the breath is sent), identifying your emotions, and observing your thoughts and behaviors.

Eventually you will learn to oscillate (move in and out of) between these states, focusing on your external world, and focusing on your internal world. If you aren’t able to switch, allow that to come later. For now, spend dedicated time focusing on what is happening within you.

Practices that support this internal awareness (this is not a comprehensive list):

• Body scans
• Check-ins
• Meditation
• Journaling
• Yoga
• Exercise
• Dance
• Massage
• EFT (tapping)
• Humming, chanting, singing
• Breathwork

Initially it might feel like you are exerting a lot of energy. It might feel HARD, and that is okay! You might not even know what is happening. Let it be messy and confusing - just keep doing.

If you are stuck, uncertain, overthinking things, or just in need of support, please enlist trusted advisors, whether that be friends, family, therapists, coaches, teachers. Sometimes an outsider perspective and someone who has guided others through these experiences is an invaluable investment in YOU.

Please remember this is a process, so be patient, compassionate, and hopeful that you will arrive at your intended destination.