How To Help Your Kids Take Initiative

As a family, we are very lucky to be able to travel together. Each of these adventures is a new opportunity to grow individually and collectively. I constantly challenge myself to step back so they can step up (in age-appropriate ways), and honestly it’s a really big part of how I lessen my stress traveling with the boys.

On this last trip, we had a very explicit conversation about why I am asking them to take on responsibility while on vacation. It was day 2 and I could feel my stress rising when I would sit down to relax and I’d get yet another request for something (snack, water, finding something). So we had a family meeting about how their help would make our vacation more enjoyable for me, and the rest of the trip I had no guilt telling them to grab their own snack, help with laundry, etc. They went above and beyond and would ask daily if there was anything they could do to help. Because guess what? It’s not just my kids who want to please their parents, it's most kids; and they are able to do a better job if we spell out what that looks like for them. 

With that being said, some of our growth came from less than ideal moments. Them fighting, me losing my shit. Sure there were lots of little moments of frustration that we rolled with, but I lost my shit twice over two of the boys fighting in the backseat of the car while I was driving. I’m not proud of how I handled myself or that situation - but it’s reality. So when it happens, we 1) cool our jets 2) come back to it, and 3) have a family meeting (Want to know more? Check out our Strengthening Connections course!).

During our family meetings we talk about:

1. What happened
2. How it impacted each member
3. What we need to do differently next time
4. How we can repair the relational harm by apologizing/reconnecting
5. Sometimes giving a consequence

We don’t learn these skills in a vacuum. Being taught them is much different than practicing them in real time. Being part of a family is not all rainbows and unicorns. It’s love, respect, adoration, frustration, and conflict. It’s a gift to provide a safe space to be our messy selves - to learn to deal with STRESSORS individually and together. Life is a classroom, and we are each other's teachers.