Consistency in Parenting

Can we all strive for consistency rather than perfectionism?  I had the pleasure of chatting with the moms of Family Looking Up, and during the interview one of the things we talked about was consistency in parenting practices. My advice was, shoot for an 80/20 rule.  

What’s an 80/20 rule?

Let me break that down for ya a bit. 

First, things first: What do I mean by consistency? 

Consistency basically means, across situations you apply the same rules. So, when my budding gymnast is doing headstands on the couch and kicking his legs up onto the picture ledge behind it, I tell him to get down.  It usually sounds like this: “For the 700th time, STOP DOING HEADSTANDS ON THE COUCH. GO. OUTSIDE.” 

See, all 700 times I’ve told him to stop. 

Using that same scenario, if any of his bros decide to get upside down on my couch, well, they are also told to stop.  That is consistency across kiddos. 

DOES CONSISTENCY = 100% OF THE TIME? 

NOPE! Here’s the thing, we are human. Human = imperfect, AND rarely are any two situations the same, or even similar enough to where we can be 100% consistent. This is where the 80/20 rule comes in (or 70/30 if you need it). MOST of the time (80%) we are pretty consistent. But we have wiggle room for times we want to let them break the rules (like when we have friends over, some rules change in my house), to meet the unique developmental needs of our kids, and maybe most importantly JUST BECAUSE (e.g. we are having a bad day, the sky is falling, there is an alien invasion, you are tired of enforcing rules). 

If consistency is your target, you are constantly working towards it. You might get there, you might not - just keep moving in that direction.  

Here’s the beauty of what happens during that 20% of the time when we are inconsistent:

1. Our kids learn flexibility. They will learn how rules exist in CONTEXT. They get to start exploring the gray, rather than being so black and white with their thinking. (Again, some rules are very black and white.)

2. We can help them explore the gray by talking with them about why this time was different - that will reduce confusion and build critical thinking skills.    

3. WE grow as parents. When we are questioned by our kids, that is a good thing. We get to reflect on why we have rules.  

If you’re still struggling with this, my question to you is -

CAN YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IMPERFECT?